Lately, it’s been set upon my heart to write about a set of topics that remains quite taboo amongst most Christian communities: pornography, impurity, fornication etc… Why do I say that these topics are taboo? Don’t preachers and pastors constantly mention scripture that talk about fleeing from fornication and to walk in the light instead? Yes, but that is usually as deep as it will ever go, because man’s struggle with this is (typically) much different than the woman’s. This post is intended for Christian males, but even if you’re not a Christian, I know there are many aspects of this topic that you can still relate to. And as for the girls who happen upon this blog post, I don’t discourage you to continue reading, but do understand that I have no plans of covering up, or making the material lighter. I take this issue very seriously and intend to reveal truth as it is.
The first thing you must know is that I am NOT writing this as an outsider to the topic of impurity. In fact, much of my life had been distorted and corrupted by the deceit and addiction to pornography. Sadly enough, I even remember my first incident of discovering a fairly graphic website. I was only 10. Now, at that point in time, I wasn’t actually all that interested in it (probably because I hadn’t reached puberty yet). But it opened a door. From then on I knew it was there, and I knew it was easy to get to. Within the next few years, my addiction to the computer, combined with my ever-growing curiosity for new and exciting things opened up a whole new terrible world.
“Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe that that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves.” -Luke 17: 1-3
I began using AIM chat rooms as a stupid preteen kid looking for girls (Quick note: much has changed since this period of my life). If you’ve never been in one, AIM chat rooms are filled with bots that spam the channel with ads that are often explicit or that lead to graphic sites. Again, not knowing any better, I thought playing around in these chat rooms was just innocent fun. Little had I known, that much of what goes on in those chat rooms tend to lead to child pornography and feeding grounds for sexual predators. Even on a much more personal level, the chat rooms were just grounds for making really stupid decisions.
A common thing to do was to start a private conversation with the phrase “A/S/L” (Age, Sex, Location). Most girls were within 2 years of my age, but whenever they were older I would always match their age by lying about mine. What did it matter, I would never have to see them. Well, usually it didn’t matter, until I met this one girl. Sorry, I don’t remember her name; I was 12 (or 13 according my online profile). So for story’s sake we’ll just call her Brittany. Anyways Brittany thought it’d be a good idea to further our online friendship by talking on the phone. Although I was initially apprehensive of doing so for fear of being recognized as a young preteen boy, instead of a manly 13 year old, I gave in and called her. We would talk for hours. And by hours I mean like an hour and a half. I thought I was so cool. In fact, my username was mycool100. What I failed to think about was the fact that my parents look at the phone bill. One lie lead to another which eventually caused me to use my sister as a scapegoat. Since she had been notorious for making questionable phone calls, my parents took my word over hers… Or at least I think they did. At any rate, I convinced myself that they did. From fear of getting in trouble, I let Brittany know that we couldn’t talk anymore. She had considered me an online boyfriend (I didn’t necessarily agree to that), and I stupidly let her believe it, thus encouraging the online world of chat rooms. Eventually our friendship faded... for the better.
Eventually, I grew out of the online chat rooms and right into internet exploration. Most exploration starts with dirty images that can be found on many various non-pornographic sites. Sadly, it doesn’t take too much to find dirty pictures online. In fact, I could be researching something completely irrelevant to the topic of sex and happen upon a picture of a naked woman. In fact, just recently, Facebook was attacked by a series of online pictures that revealed extremely explicit images. I can only imagine how many young preteen kids were exposed to the disturbing images. Sadly enough, I can bet that the guys who participated in the attack were not much older or younger than me - Guys who have been consumed in a world of porn and are blind to its effects. Like, them I had been blind.
The more I dabbled into my exploration, the more I became desensitized. It’s the same sick cycle. The things that are new start to become boring, so lust and addiction push you to search deeper. One may be wondering, if this is the case, then shouldn’t there be a point in which all of it becomes boring. I had at least hoped for this during my own struggle. Two main reasons for why this isn’t so:
- It would be silly to assume that the porn industry doesn’t attempt to innovate. Not only do they attempt, but they succeed at innovating. And it doesn’t take much. With the technology to track what people look up in search engines (among many other things) such as Google, the porn industry can ultimately stay up-to-date.
- The industry is large enough to probably suffice an addict (who does not wish to change) for a life time. Or by the time the addict feels bored, it’s most likely way too late. It’s probably affected relationships, family, and of course many other things.
Desensitization does a lot more than just cycle you through the various levels of the porn industry; It collapses your real-world perspective of women. I can’t say this effect takes place in every guy who has been through the same as me, but I definitely felt it, and I knew the source. I was bounded to porn well throughout my teenage years. However, I didn’t start noticing the desensitizing effect until the latter years of my teens. When watching movies with sex scenes or nudity, I’m not as bothered by it as I should be. Those things become more of an everyday or week occurrence that I’m almost pathetically expecting. It’s as if I’ve come to grips with a culture of fornication, and even though I don’t necessarily participate in it, I support it through my action of viewing it and being ok with it.
Pornography had corrupted me from the inside out. I felt like I had no hope of ever escaping. What’s worse is I talked to people who defended my terrible decisions by saying that it was natural. Just in case you’ve come upon the same conclusion, let me just say this. Natural does not mean beneficial. In fact it’s the exact opposite of beneficial. Here are some of the many reasons to help support this:
1. Leads to lying and deceit
2. Objectifies and distorts the female image
3. Damages and ends relationships
4. Often produces shame, regret, and diminishes confidence
5. False sense of emotional medication
Let me touch on the last point since the other four points should be obvious. The book, “The Game Plan”, describes how after someone has built an obsession to porn, it can be used as a way of medicating emotional pain. Worst of all, porn often creates emotional pain, so it can easily be used to medicate itself in a vicious cycle. So… point being, if you ever try to argue the good of porn in front of me, I will shut you down.
I’ve decided to split this topic into 3 posts, since I have a lot to say about it. But just in case you don’t ever want to read the other posts, just know that much has changed in my life since my addiction.
If you are struggling or have struggled with this issue, and you believe that it is something worth fighting against then I encourage you to join me in this war. My brothers, this is a call to arms.
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