One fear I had as a young elementary school child was peeing my pants in public. Honestly, it was probably my only real fear at that point in my life. I had peed my pants on several occasions before, but it had been in the safe confines of my home. It may sound like a silly fear now, but if you can remember anything about elementary school, you have to be reminded of the fact that we didn't have the same things to worry about as we do now. No care about GPA. No real drama (or at least, nothing that really mattered). No Facebook. No anything. Just enjoying the simple pleasures of the world and avoiding dangers, harms, and embarrassing situations. Peeing your pants in public was one of those embarrassing situations. Not that it's any less embarrassing now, but as a young kid I didn't realize that there was an end to the anguish of public humiliation. In my mind, if you peed your pants, you were forever held accountable for that detestable act.
Well one fateful day, a very ambitious 3rd grade me entered the bathroom. As I cannot assume that only guys are reading this post, I must clarify some unknowns here. At my tender young age, I was just tall enough for the lip of the urinal to be on the same level as my crotch area. This will come into play in a minute.
So, something you must know about me is that I like trying new things out, even down to the stupid things that hold no purpose. There were 2 things that had stuck out to me for no good reason:
1. The wall-lean
2. Flushing While Peeing (FWP)
I remembered, on several occasions, other kids using the "wall-lean" position while peeing in the urinal. The only way I can describe it is Leaning With Intention. It was a way of saying, "I'm way too cool to just stand here awkwardly and pee. I need to address my authority by putting my forearm on the wall."
This guy went with the two-hand stance. Not recommended, but still respected.
Flushing while peeing was just something that every child needed to experience at least once in their life. For me though, I needed to experience both the wall-lean and FWP at the same time.
At first, it was going great. Many of the 1st and 2nd graders who walked in made sure to keep at least a distance of 2 urinals away from me. Respect.
However, as I stood there poised and confident, I missed a certain crucial detail... My toilet was in the midst of slightly flooding. Luckily, the front of my pants were there to catch the overflowing water. My wall lean was withholding me from feeling or seeing the water drip down my pants. Interestingly enough, if I had only done either the wall-lean or the FWP, and not both, the entire situation would have been avoided. I must have been a pretty chill kid, because I didn't even notice the large spot of water on my crotch area until I was washing my hands. I will never forget the look on this other kid's face as he stared at my pants and the growing area of wetness. I realized he wasn't staring at me because of the previous authority I had just recently established back at the urinals.
The water stain looked identical to a standing-pee stain. There was no mistaking it. How was I going to get away with this one? How was I going to explain to people that I didn't really pee my pants?
I had two decision to choose between: Start crying and bolt out the bathroom as quickly as possible to make the situation last as short as possible. Or walk out of the bathroom as if nothing was wrong.
The latter seemed better. So, as soon as I was the only one left in the bathroom I started walking out. It only seems fitting that in elementary school, younger 1st and 2nd grade classes take bathroom breaks as entire groups. So as I walked to my music class, teachers and their entire classes walked by me. I felt eyes. Sooo many eyes. But I didn't care, I just lied to myself that they were only staring because I was incredibly handsome.
Eventually I arrived back to my class, explained the situation, and received new pants. I've learned many things from this event in my life. But what I took out from this most was boldness in who I am. Yes, I was that awkward kid who had peed his pants, but not really, and walked out Like A Boss.
I had apparently forgotten this boldness as I grew up. I made my image conform to what was accepted and liked. If something embarrassing happened to me, I would retreat and try to repair any damage by waiting until things blew over.
Now that I've put myself in a position that requires nothing but boldness, I need to come back to my roots as that fearless 3rd grader. Ya, it's true, a lot of people see the 'Christian' and preconceived notions about that person pop into their heads. Some of these notions are true, some aren't even close to true. I can certainly bet that every kid who saw me as I walked by them thought that I had legitimately peed myself. It's a fair and safe assumption seeing that that's usually the case when someone's pants are wet in specific regions. Christianity can be very similar. Other Christians set the standard for the faith throughout our history. It's sometimes hard to differentiate from the outside, what's legitimate Christianity and what's not.
As for myself, I should stop concerning myself with the misconceptions of Christianity. They will always be there, and I will always be in the realm of their scrutiny, so long as I follow Christ. I need to bring back a heart of boldness that shows no fear of man's judgmental perspective. There should never be shame in who you are, and I am found in Christ.
"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death." -Philippians 1:20
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